Infatuation is actually a disease
In the afternoon at a high temperature of 39 ° C, Kocho needed urgent psychological intervention, and I agreed with her without thinking.
When I rushed to the consultation center, she was already waiting by the flower bed, like a blooming peony, which was particularly striking.
She hasn’t spoken yet, and Xiaodie is already in tears. She is facing painful consequences. One of the choices is whether to stay in Shanghai for a holiday or to fly back to Beijing tomorrow morning to reunite with her parents.
Since meeting Li Dong in Beijing a few years ago, Kocho’s heart is no longer hers, she smiled and acted for him.
Li Dong is a graduate student in IT majoring from Shanghai to Beijing. Xiao Die was born in Beijing, and Li Dong is a school. She is a journalism student.
In Xiaodie’s eyes, Li Dong is a new and good man with no shortcomings: He is gentle, gentle, considerate, hard-working, and everything is good. As long as he looks at him, she can be excited for a long time.
Kocho was not a careful person. Since then, her heart has changed and her temperament has been discovered. The classmates found that as long as Li Dong is there, Kocho must be nearby.
Li Dong is the only baby son of a typical well-off family in Shanghai. He has a strong petty bourgeoisie, pays attention to the quality of life, and is as clean as a girl.
Of course, he can feel that there are more tails and shadows behind him. No matter how restrained he is, it is difficult to resist the girl’s enthusiastic attack. Soon they will “pat”, a Shanghai man held by Sven and an excited and restless Beijing girl.
At that time, they all attached great importance, and they did not know that the hidden danger had been buried at that time.
Their love was unequal in the beginning. Kocho saw him as everything in his life, and in Li Dong’s heart, this love was only the enlightenment of his life, and it felt good, but it was still far from being hurt.
After half a year, the first test came. After graduating, Li Dong insisted on returning to his hometown in Shanghai, and Kocho had no room to go with him to Shanghai.
Fluttershy didn’t want to leave Li Dong for a moment, but Fluttershy’s parents are experienced. They can feel Li Dong’s languidness and casualness, and they have always been suspicious of their relationship. They saw Fluttershy’s image filled with wind.Sailing, it is impossible not to sail, and she can only realize it once.
Back to Shanghai is an important turning point in their relationship and the inevitable result of this love.
Li Dong loves his original state of life. It is impossible for him to stay in Beijing for Kocho, and Kocho will give up everything for love, let alone go to Shanghai.
Fluttershy went to Shanghai, and the love tragedy kicked off.
To settle in a middle-class family in Shanghai seems to Fluttershy into the alien world.
As a result of the North Orange planting, she could not adapt to everything except Li Dong’s feelings.
During the period of waiting for a job, Kocho was worried about a few calls a day, and Li Dong was very upset, and he was negligent, and Kocho chased more and more closely.
Li Dong doesn’t care much about Kocho’s career. He wants to make some achievements by his own efforts, but Kocho doesn’t care about Li Dong’s achievements. What she thinks is how to make love shine.
Only for half a year, Li Dong felt that he was about to be suffocated by Xiaodie’s love. He said to Xiaodie: We are appropriate, let’s break up . Xiaodie seems to be ready, she just cries, sobbing silently, Said: I have a hunch, sooner or later there will be such a result, I will not rely on you, I just want to have another chance to feel, will your love come back . Li Dong is also sad, but there is no way to force himself, they agreedXiaodie moved out of her house and rented a house nearby to let her check the “love” of both parties.
For two years, Kocho became a “call girl”. Li Dong visited when she had a temperament, and occasionally called her back. Every few months, Li Dong would ask Kocho whether she was ready to divorce, and every timeOnce, Kocho’s heart was as painful as a knife cut.
Her hopes are being lost every day. Recently Li Dong has urged him to be very anxious, saying that if he does not divorce, he will no longer come to see her.
When Xiaode came to me, she hadn’t seen Li Dong for a week, and Xiaode didn’t know whether she should divorce or continue to wait for the love that was so angry.
I asked Kocho, knowing that love would never return, why begging for more harm.
Fluttershy raised her wrist to show me and said, “If there is no hope at all, why would he buy me such a valuable gift?”
The dazzling white light from that dangling bracelet seemed to be saving the last love fantasy.
I remind Xiaodie: The bracelet may be for a memorial of forgetting, and he wants to use it to cushion the tragedy of the abandoned.
Xiaodie, like every visitor, had an answer in her heart before coming. They came to seek understanding and support.
Fluttershy knew that it was an irretrievable love, and dragging it down would hurt each other too much.
Fluttershy didn’t hate Li Dong very much, she just refused her fate.
Fluttershy decided the divorce, and the rest of the matter became very simple. She just couldn’t decide whether to leave immediately or in a few days.
Xiaodie said she would like to eat a few more meals of the Li family in the last few days, and then call her father and mother for the last few times, to make the couple the last moment . Then, tomorrow, will it hurt or hurt more?
Now that he was so heartless, what was that kind of lingering for!
Fluttershy said to go back and think about it.
In the evening, Fluttershy told me her decision. She was already on the plane. She decided to leave earlier, end sooner, and end hurting earlier . The difference between love and dependence in “Exploration of Mood” Flutterfly is like many womenIt will be doubtful: why there is always no reward for giving.
It is the same effort, but there are different motivations, and the same motivations have different effects.
A woman’s obvious blind spot in love is that when she wants to give, she doesn’t ask the receiver’s feelings, or she doesn’t care about the other’s intentions.If you want to love, you give it desperately, but because of the gift you gave, the teacher pleads guilty: I am so good to you, why are you not good to me?
There is another habit of women in love: the more cold you are, the more vigorous you are, the more you insist on not loving her, the more she insists on loving you, and once the man can’t hold back, she will immediately feel dull.
Li Dong was a little reluctant at first, but because Xiaode needed to love him in particular, she achieved her goal by paying extra.
When women need love and sex, they sometimes blindfold their eyes and bump into who they are, or weave their own wreaths to wear on each other, and become intoxicated.
This kind of unequal love is impossible to last. It was lost at the beginning, but then it was thousands of miles away. If it was reluctant at the beginning, the future results are not difficult to imagine.
Therefore, when someone wants to love, the first thing is to figure out whether the other person needs it, and the second is the degree that the other person needs. He will be annoyed when he exceeds his level. When he feels “love” becomes a burden, he runs away.
Let’s compare these two sentences: “I love you because I need you”; and “I need you because I love you”.
The former is loved because of need, because love is needed, which has completely different meaning in motivation.
Love is a kind of enthusiastic, comfortable and free feelings and behaviors, while needs are mechanical, compulsive, and passive. It is more driven by physiological needs, unsafe feelings and material desires, so it is often insomnia.Uncontrollable, uncontrollable behavior with a controlling purpose.
Love caused by needs produces a serious sense of dependence. At first, dependents rely on material desires and “love”. Later, after being frustrated by dependence, she will rely more on the feeling of frustration, that is, the feeling of abuse.
She was slightly relieved during the abused pregnancy, and she hoped to get the abused in exchange for what she needed.
Men can’t stand all the behaviors caused by women’s dependence: like Du Mei in “Over Addiction”, tirelessly listen to her boyfriend say “I love you”; talk to him eight times a day; hope to know all his actions and plans;It would be better if he did not have any opposite sex and filled his heart.
This is not love, this is the controlling heart produced by dependence. She can pay all the price for this desire to control, but this is not love, it is only need and dependence.
Such love has no future, and it is common for such love to be lost.
-Woman who loves the code too much I understand that love is trust, respect, like, easy, free, independent, positive and lasting.
Life and death, restlessness, anxiety, and extreme emotions are all signs of lack of love.
Infatuation is not love, infatuation is a dependency.
Some people will be content with their own infatuation, but they don’t know that infatuation is a mental illness. The cause of his infatuation is that he has lost his personal consciousness and self-will, and thus cannot feel the joy of life.
His existence is more of a helpless endurance.
His “love” is just a “spiritual opium” that he must be hopeless in order to invigorate his spirit, or a kind of “life-saving straw”, so he is not confident. He and their obsession and all kinds of “too much love”Words and deeds are an expression of such unconfidence.
The lover will bet his life on the balance of others, let himself tremble and be tortured.
Kocho was rejected by him because of her infatuation and almost lost her interest in living.
Women who love too much are more about experiences and situations. Generally speaking, because growing up in dysfunctional families, the roles of family members are misplaced.
There are some reasons for this: 1.
The environment in which they live does not receive basic care, and both parents or one party is indifferent to their children.
Because of lack of feelings, trying to accumulate supplements in life, so eager to give too much.
Fascinated by indifferent men, intervening in her desire to be frustrated, what she needs is a feeling that she can’t get after hard work, and she is more accustomed to the state that she cannot get.
Pay self-coordination at all costs to the man who attracted him4.
Lack of habits, wait, pursue 5.
Excessive responsibility, self-blame 6.
Low self-esteem, no confidence in love, but unwillingness7.
Insecurity, resulting in extreme desire to control8.
How more designs realize their dreams and rarely face reality9.
Enthusiastic with men, always in emotional distress, because they are too obsessed with each other but controlled by others10.
For a variety of reasons, it is easy to take drugs, abuse alcohol, and like special foods11.
Unable to focus on being responsible for himself, giving up on himself, and caring too much for others12.
Take the initiative to build unreliable relationships and seek stimulus to evade prevention13.
He is not interested in friendly and stable men who are interested in himself, feels boring, and has a tendency to be abused. 14Afraid of betrayal, we want to guarantee a marriage that is long-lasting, stable, healthy, and safe. We should try our best to keep it at a proper distance. This is the physical space necessary for love. “Zero distance of love” is the easiest to destroy beauty and kill imagination.
Give him a relatively independent time-this is the psychological “oxygen bar” that allows him to recover himself. No one can pay attention to others permanently, and no one wants to be watched persistently.
Improving his vitality and charm — attracting his focus with his ingenuity and ability to manage the family.
Study his habits-let him live a proper life.
Maintain self-independence-let him have a slight sense of insecurity.